Understanding My Behaviour

Terminology is confusing. How am I supposed to understand what I am experiencing if the words that are used don’t seem appropriate to me?

I have spent time trying to establish patterns, and developing coping mechanisms. It has been more difficult than I expected as I often don’t understand how the various behaviours manifest in me.

Am I having an autistic meltdown? Maybe I’m overstimulated. Perhaps it’s burnout. Right now it’s difficult to identify as I don’t fully understand them.

I know that over time things will make sense and it will become easier to develop countermeasures, that isn’t very helpful now though.

I have so many questions. Yesterday I found myself angry because a delivery driver failed to deliver and claimed they couldn’t access the property. My day suddenly came to a complete halt. I found myself crying, tweeting in frustration and making comments that (with hindsight) were not appropriate. Today I’ve cancelled an appointment with my therapist because I am too drained both emotionally and physically. Was Yesterday a meltdown? Is today due to burnout? Why is writing this so exhausting.

So, what do I do? How do I deal with things? I don’t know. Right now, my best approach is to talk with friends and other people on the spectrum. My friends are able to see my behaviours in a more detached way, which can help me in the long term. YouTube videos can be useful, but not for me. I find it very difficult to see how they apply to me.

I like to finish these posts on a positive note, right now the best I can do is share my experiences and use this space to keep a track of my progress, as well as reassuring others that they aren’t alone if they have similar feelings.

So, what kinds of things cause you issues? Do you have advice you wished you knew when you were first diagnosed? Feel free to comment or get in touch via the contacts page.

Published by Kle

A busy bee deep into video games and other gaming related things

One thought on “Understanding My Behaviour

  1. I haven’t yet been diagnosed; my appointment is anticipated for a few months out. That being said: As someone who does boatloads of research, it all lines up for me. All of it.

    I’m reading on because of what you said about alcohol in your most recent post. It took me about a month of sobriety (early this year) to become crystal clear that alcohol was the way I dealt with something else, which “something else” I have no doubt is autism. Which all is, granted, taking me away from the questions you asked here!


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